Radiotherapy week 1

Lunar eclipse on 12/10/2011

Radiotherapy has been alright so far. It's better than chemotherapy for sure, but it's not a fun experience still. I wish all treatments are exciting in some way that it could reduce psychological stress on patients.

Each appointment of radiotherapy takes about 15 minutes, where the 1 minute is used for actually radiating my body, and rest of the time is spent for preparation of the machine. Fortunately, there has been no long waiting time involved for radiotherapy; radiology department knows how to schedule patients well :P

There is no pain involved in the therapy, but it maybe because I caught cold or more from psychological stress from being at hospital everyday that I have been feeling noxious all week.

Although I am scheduled to be at the hospital on the weekdays, I realized that I won't have any full consecutive 5 days that I have to go to the hospital. Next week there's a holiday for Emperor's birthday, then the week after is new year's break that the hospital is closed. I hope my nausea will disappear completely soon and no side effects appear at all, so that I can be in the festive mood soon!

Radiotherapy...0/15~20

Leaves changing colors!! 

First radiotherapy appointment

Today I had an appointment with my radiology doctor to discuss about my treatment plan. The Radiology Department was a lot less crowded; my appointment time was at 10 am, I arrived there at 9:50 am thinking that I will wait for 1~2 hours, but I got to see my doctor at 10:15 am!! Amazing. 

Here are the details on my radiation therapy plan:

• Total of 15~20 radiation will be done, one treatment everyday starting from next week Wednesday
• The radiation strength of 20 to 30 Gy will be applied to the area where my lymphoma first appeared (left lower neck, left chest, and left armpit

Possible side effects:

• Throat sore (so no alcohol for another 3 weeks :( )
• Skin where the radiation was applied will turn red temporarily
• The radiation treatment may also affect salivary gland, which may permanently decrease the amount of saliva production
• The radiation treatment will increase the chances of the onset of cancer in the future, like in 10~30 years

After the doctor's appointment, I got to make a mask for the radiation treatment. I didn't know what to expect, but it was indeed interesting. I'll write about my experience in the next posting. 

もみじ... Japanese Maple

Radiation

Now I think back, I have been taking long flights (normally 8+ hours flight) at least twice a year since I was fourteen, I have done 2 CT scan so far, and now I will be going through radiation therapy. Not only that, I live in Japan now, where the Fukushima nuclear accident has not yet been resolved. That's a lot of radiation I've been and will be exposed, more than what an average human being would be exposed in his/her lifetime. Will this onset another cancer later in my life? I certainly hope not. 

And guess what?

My internal medicine doctor (who I had been seeing every week) told me that my blood count is sufficient for me to start eating anything. This means I can start eating sushi everyday, again! Nevertheless, my doctor said I should still avoid crowds so I can decrease the chance of catching cold. 

Chemotherapy 8/8...done with chemo!

Special thanks to Nakai-Sensei for
the and-made adorable charms!

Two Fridays ago, I was able to do the last round of chemo (and hopefully the last one of my life)!! As for the chemotherapy, I was put to sleep during the injection so I didn't have to fight through the emotional instability. I still experienced nasty side effects afterwards but knowing that it is my last round, it helped me to recover psychologically much faster than physically. 

Every round of chemo I experience, I realize that my psychological health comes before my physical health. I've read in the same book I introduced last time (Girls Story by Atsuko Asano), "the most difficult illness to cure is the one that the patient lacks willingness to cure." There is also the famous Japanese proverb, 「病は気から」, meaning "illness starts with the mind," expressing the importance of mind that plays in human health. I bet there's a similar proverb in English, too.

What's next?

Once my WBC# and its segment are recovered, the radiotherapy will start. I have an appointment with the radiotherapy doctor next week Tuesday, where I may start the therapy later next week. And guess what? If my body is recovered to normal, I get to eat sushi!!!! I've written my cravings for raw fish numerous times, and it had been indeed a pain to live in Japan where there's full of temptations for raw fish but not being able to consume it. 

Chemo 8/8 attempt failed :(

Unfortunately, my white blood cell count and segs (segmented neutrophils) was insufficient to carry on the chemotherapy yesterday. (WBC# = 1700, SEG = 34 %, where if the seg count is less than 500 the patient is at increased risk of infection). I will be going into hospital again this Friday, and hopefully the WBC# is increased enough to do the last round of chemotherapy!

Strangely enough, even though I didn't have chemotherapy yesterday, I was feeling noxious and tired all day. I always feel nervous on the day and the day before chemo, so maybe the body was anticipating the horror of chemo every other week.

Lucky

When I think of cancer and other types of illness, they are simply a death threat, and there's nothing good about it. Or what's good about illness always seemed to come with pity that I could not resonate. The pain a patient experience can never be shared by others, and frustration follows a patient everywhere.

Last night I was reading a Japanese novel, where I discovered the happiness of being a patient. I was so intrigued by the line that I even felt lucky that I am ill:


「病に倒れた人は、確かに不幸ではあるけれど、恢復の喜びを経験できる幸せもまた手にしている。水が飲める幸せ、まっすぐ歩ける幸せ、身体に痛みがない幸せ、ほんの少しでも物を口にできる幸せがどれほど貴いか病まなければわからない。病んでこそ味わえる幸せがあるのだ。健やかな人には、決して知ることのできない幸せがある。」ガールズ・ストーリー、あさのあつこ


Here is my attempt in translation:

"People who fall victim to illness, are indeed unfortunate, but they also receive the fortune for being able to experience the joy of recovery. How the happiness for being able to drink water, the happiness for being able to walk straight, the happiness for feeling no pain in the body, and the happiness for being able to eat even a small portion, cannot be understood unless you are ill. There is happiness that can only be experienced through falling ill. And there is happiness that can never be understood by a person with full of life." --Girls Story, by Atsuko Asano




This is why I felt so pleasant when I could eat a full meal again. This is why when I felt like a winner when I could turn on a laptop again. And this is why I feel so energetic than ever that I could do anything once the side effects go away.

I am a lucky girl :)