Chemotherapy 8/8...done with chemo!

Special thanks to Nakai-Sensei for
the and-made adorable charms!

Two Fridays ago, I was able to do the last round of chemo (and hopefully the last one of my life)!! As for the chemotherapy, I was put to sleep during the injection so I didn't have to fight through the emotional instability. I still experienced nasty side effects afterwards but knowing that it is my last round, it helped me to recover psychologically much faster than physically. 

Every round of chemo I experience, I realize that my psychological health comes before my physical health. I've read in the same book I introduced last time (Girls Story by Atsuko Asano), "the most difficult illness to cure is the one that the patient lacks willingness to cure." There is also the famous Japanese proverb, 「病は気から」, meaning "illness starts with the mind," expressing the importance of mind that plays in human health. I bet there's a similar proverb in English, too.

What's next?

Once my WBC# and its segment are recovered, the radiotherapy will start. I have an appointment with the radiotherapy doctor next week Tuesday, where I may start the therapy later next week. And guess what? If my body is recovered to normal, I get to eat sushi!!!! I've written my cravings for raw fish numerous times, and it had been indeed a pain to live in Japan where there's full of temptations for raw fish but not being able to consume it. 

Chemo 8/8 attempt failed :(

Unfortunately, my white blood cell count and segs (segmented neutrophils) was insufficient to carry on the chemotherapy yesterday. (WBC# = 1700, SEG = 34 %, where if the seg count is less than 500 the patient is at increased risk of infection). I will be going into hospital again this Friday, and hopefully the WBC# is increased enough to do the last round of chemotherapy!

Strangely enough, even though I didn't have chemotherapy yesterday, I was feeling noxious and tired all day. I always feel nervous on the day and the day before chemo, so maybe the body was anticipating the horror of chemo every other week.

Lucky

When I think of cancer and other types of illness, they are simply a death threat, and there's nothing good about it. Or what's good about illness always seemed to come with pity that I could not resonate. The pain a patient experience can never be shared by others, and frustration follows a patient everywhere.

Last night I was reading a Japanese novel, where I discovered the happiness of being a patient. I was so intrigued by the line that I even felt lucky that I am ill:


「病に倒れた人は、確かに不幸ではあるけれど、恢復の喜びを経験できる幸せもまた手にしている。水が飲める幸せ、まっすぐ歩ける幸せ、身体に痛みがない幸せ、ほんの少しでも物を口にできる幸せがどれほど貴いか病まなければわからない。病んでこそ味わえる幸せがあるのだ。健やかな人には、決して知ることのできない幸せがある。」ガールズ・ストーリー、あさのあつこ


Here is my attempt in translation:

"People who fall victim to illness, are indeed unfortunate, but they also receive the fortune for being able to experience the joy of recovery. How the happiness for being able to drink water, the happiness for being able to walk straight, the happiness for feeling no pain in the body, and the happiness for being able to eat even a small portion, cannot be understood unless you are ill. There is happiness that can only be experienced through falling ill. And there is happiness that can never be understood by a person with full of life." --Girls Story, by Atsuko Asano




This is why I felt so pleasant when I could eat a full meal again. This is why when I felt like a winner when I could turn on a laptop again. And this is why I feel so energetic than ever that I could do anything once the side effects go away.

I am a lucky girl :)

Chemo 7/8...almost there

There are a lot of things I am unable to carry on once the drugs are injected, and then bit by bit I begin to get my normal life back. Recently I realized that "turning on a computer" has been the key action for me; once I can turn on a computer, I feel nearly fully recovered. Anyhow, it surly feels good to be back!

The chemo 7/8 was terrible, it was the worst one after all. I cried pretty badly at the hospital during the injection, so the nurses decided to put me onto sleep. I actually cried during the chemo 6/8, too. It's weird because I understand knowledgeably that the drugs are not going to kill me. But when I see the bottle of drug, the nurses, and my left arm with spots from injections, I just go into panic. Well, a slight nausea is starting to creep up as I write this blog about last week, so I'm going to stop talking about it. Right now I can't even watch a TV shows that has nurses and hospitals in it.

2 weeks ago Yukari and Keibun visited, and we went to eat...fancy hamburgers!!

Other than that, I'm happy now, simply because I don't have to go to hospital for another one week, and I get to do whatever I want!! I'm going to hang out with Sawako tomorrow, and my sister is coming back home over the weekend hopefully, which I'm looking forward :)

Chemotherapy 6/8! ...Ensure protein and Olivia Newton-John

I found a plastic box that was 'melted' by erasers!!

YES, I only have 2 more chemo to go!!!!
I sound pretty excited now because I'm both physically and mentally stable but when side effects were hitting me last week, "2 more chemo" just sounded like "2 more hell" that I didn't even want to think about it. It's amazing how people can change their thoughts depending on the health. It makes me nauseous just thinking about my condition last week, and I think most of you are tired of me repeating the same thing, so I'm going to skip the update this time.

In a gist, I got through with chemo 6/8, but I still have 2 more to go.

Ensure protein drink is working...I think!
I had the weekly check up with my doctor yesterday, and my WBC was 2800 (+500 compared to last time)! I told my doctor that I have been drinking Ensure every morning, and he said it may be helping. I finished 3 large cans so far, and I'm working on the fourth can now. I also weigh 46 kg with stability, which is 2kg more than when I was hospitalized! I feel like my jeans got tighter too...or I might just be imagining?

Olivia Newton-John and Pineapple Classics 5k
I didn't know that she had a breast cancer. I actually only knew her name until I found her on a magazine at the hospital yesterday. She went through 6 months of chemo, which she says that just thinking about those days with side effects still makes her shiver. I feel her. One of her suggestion to chemo patients was to do something fun, creative, and sensational. I thought about my craft making, which has been a lot of fun lately.

Last week I received an e-mail about this event called Pineapple Classics looking for volunteers. Pineapple Classics 5k is a charity run organized by Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. It caught my eyes because the e-mail also mentioned about Hodgkin's lymphoma. Before I got lymphoma, this is a type of an event that I would just pass by, and I thought about how my thought may change after all the treatments are over. Will I support the cause even more rigorously? Honestly, I'm not sure yet. I feel like I'm going to have another identity crisis. Anyhow, if anyone's interested, it will be held on November 12th for Seattle, and there seem to be a number of other cities that will be holding the event.