Decision making for mind and body health

I had an appointment with my doctor this morning, to hear the results of ultrasound test. The result report produced by ultrasound technician indicated that the lymph nodes may be lymphomas. However, there was no size change of all nodes, and I have no symptoms(1) that show the sign of lymphoma growth; therefore, my doctor thinks that it is unlikely that lymphoma is back.

And my doctor didn't have much idea about the cause of my light fever. He said he never had a patient who experienced continual light fever 3 months after cancer treatments. Although antibiotics won't work on light fevers, he prescribed them in case that the bacterial infection on my tonsil was still active.

The question comes to, am I ready to go back to Seattle? My doctor said just go ahead and if there's any problem I should just come back to Japan. My mom is worried and I understand that. I'm worried, too. But I think not going back to school this autumn will stress me out even more...I can swear that I am not forcing myself to go back. That's for sure. This is what I want to do, and this seems to be the best option available for my body and mind.

I was really hoping that when I get to go back to Seattle, that's the time when I can throw "I kicked the cancer's butt" party, which I saw many cancer survivors from reading their blogs. I guess I won't be able to throw that party for another...4 years perhaps?

Traditional rice fields of Nagano (and a scarecrow made by kindergarden kids)
...I'm beginning to miss Nagano already!

(1) The symptoms that shows the sign of Hodgkin's disease are:

1. High fever (>38 C)
2. Night sweat
3. Weight loss

Ups and downs

Railway on the bridge of
Bessho line in Nagano

I have been very active for the past few weeks, considering where I've been and what I've been up to. However, my body has not been very cooperative unfortunately...I had a light fever last night again. For the past few weeks, I had lots of ups and downs. I feel good one day like a normal person, and the next day I feel sick. I believe my immune system is still not back to normal.

The new academic year of the University of Washington is starting on 24th of September. As of now, my plan is to get back to Seattle next week, and get ready for the school opening. I am nervous of my health condition, but I also don't know how long I should wait. Yes, I agree that my health should be priority, but my quality of life is as important.

People used to tell me that there is a long way to go in my life that there's nothing to rush. I agree that there's nothing to rush, but recently I've been feeling that human life is really short.I want to get back to Seattle to continue on my education again, even if I have to take it slowly.

Next week I get to hear the results of my ultrasound exam from last week. Unless there is anything urgent or serious, I am going to get on the flight back to Seattle.

My doctor suggested that I find a doctor in Seattle in case of emergency. Also, since he suggests that I take ultrasound exam every 3 months or so, so I think I will be back in Japan again in December.