4/8 Chemotherapy...finally half way!!

Good bye dragonflies, see you next summer

Last week, I went all out; I ate raw fish, raw eggs, fresh vegetables, and even drank some beer since my WBC# was normal in response to my doctor's mistake. Sushi never tasted better. My heart was even beating fast when I entered sushi restaurant, which I haven't been for last torturous 2 months. I had never realized how much impact sushi had been making in my life :P

On September 20th, the day for my rest of 4/8 chemo, my WBC# was unchanged from last week, and rest of the three drugs were injected. My vein hurt a bit during the injection, but it wasn't that bad. What was worse was the nausea. I was feeling it as soon as I entered the hospital, and as usual, it continued for next three days or so. I had a light fever all week then, so I was once again a zombie. Just like the other chemo recovery times, I spent most of my day laying down, bearing the pain and nausea. It did not feel any different from the other chemotherapy, it was neither worse nor better.

However, there was one improvement; I think I figured out a source of my mental strength. Perhaps it's because of the time when students start school at UW. When I thought of Seattle, I got jealous of the people who get to go to school, go to work, or whatever they want to do. The time of the year made me become conscious of myself that I am currently ill, and I got angry at lymphoma that has only been bringing me difficulties so far! As I laid down on the bed in pain, I truly wished and prayed that I want to get better soon so that I can go back to school, do research, study, get a degree, find a job, and live a normal life. Surprisingly, when I went through the whole process of picturing my life after the treatment, I felt a little better. It felt as though the nausea dissipated a bit. Since then, I had been using the same trick when I can feel nothing but disgust. It's good to know that I still seem to have a control of myself.

The summer seems to have left my hometown while I was laying down on the bed for the whole week. The temperature is now down to 25C or so, which reminds me greatly of Seattle summer.

So it wasn't 4/8 Chemo last week... :(

I finished 1 can of Ensure yesterday...hurray?

This morning I went to the hospital for the weekly check up, and found out that my WBC# was 3900 (+2000 from last week). The average for normal person is 4000~6000, so I'm back to a normal person. We wondered why and here is why. There was a communication mistake between my doctor and nurses that I was supposed to be dosed with all 4 drugs with reduced amount last week, not 1 drug with reduced amount. My doctor apologized, and said that I'll need to make up for last week's round next week. My treatment is extended by 2 weeks, and I still have 5 more rounds to go.....that just sucks.

When the nurse gave me an explanation for today's schedule last week, I did notice that it was different from what the doctor previously told me. I told the nurse about the discrepancy, but the nurse said "this is the order we received from your doctor," so I thought I was the one with misunderstanding. From next time and on, I will confirm with the nurse at least twice before we go on.

Training my mental strength
I also asked my doctor if there was a way to train my mental strength so that I may not feel noxious when thinking about chemo. My doctor said the anti-nausea medicine should help, but if not I can try yoga or bangee-jumping, basically whatever it may help. I'm thinking about trying yoga or meditation this week. If anybody has an idea about overcoming trauma, let me know :)

4/8 (?) Chemotherapy

My new hobby:
making flowers out of ribbons

On September 6th, Tuesday, I started to feel sick as soon as I entered the hospital. My mind and body was rejecting the reality that I have to do chemo again. My WBC# was 1900, which my doctor told me that it is insufficient to do the next round of chemotherapy as usual. Instead of the chemo menu I had been doing, only one drug (drug A) with reduced amount was injected into my body. So overall it only took 15 minutes, whereas it usually takes about 5 hours.

Just because this round was a short one, it didn't make my life any better. After the chemo, I still had nausea, loss of appetite, and light fever. Interestingly, I did not have ache in my mouth; I guess it was true that each drug causes different type of side effects.

Today I'm finally feeling better enough to turn on a computer and such, but I still feel sick thinking about chemotherapy and anything relevant to it. Even just thinking about the names of chemo drugs or seeing a scene of hospital on TV makes me noxious. I wonder if this is caused psychologically? And I wonder if there is anything I can do about this. Could I somehow train my mental to not send "sick" signal to brain when I think about chemotherapy?

On the title of this post, I wrote a question mark because it wasn't a full round of chemotherapy that I'm not sure if I'll have to do more rounds to make up. I'll have to talk to my doctor again...

The menstrual cycle

The WBC# of the week: 2200. A slight increase compared to last week.

I had X-ray and blood test last Tuesday. The intention for X-ray was to determine the lung damage caused by chemo. At this point, there was no damage observed.

Additionally, I told my doctor that my menstrual cycle seems to be disturbed that my period hasn't came for over the average cycle. My doctor replied, "You should expect not to have period for the duration of the chemotherapy." However, he stressed, "That doesn't mean that you cannot get pregnant. In the past, there was a patient who got pregnant during her chemotherapy. And babies don't want to go through chemo..." He didn't mention what happened to the patient, which I was curious to know but could not ask.

Although my doctor told me that my period will not come, it came as soon as I arrived home from the hospital. It is a strange coincidence. I wasn't sure if I should be happy about it, but I felt somewhat relieved that parts of my body is functioning normally.